


Our Heart's Desires

by shhhhharlotte



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Afterlife, Battle of Hogwarts, Canon Compliant, Gen, Marauders, Marauders' Era, jily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 18:57:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17028180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shhhhharlotte/pseuds/shhhhharlotte
Summary: Lily and James interact with Harry from the afterlife and are eventually joined by their friends. Lily and James experience the Mirror of Erised, Priori Incantatem, and the walk through the Dark Forest with Harry, now through their point of view.It's a tearjerker, folks.





	Our Heart's Desires

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this on ff.net in 2011 and finally motivated myself to edit it and put it here. (Here's the original link: [wow](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7462403/1/Our-Heart-s-Desires).)
> 
> TECHNICALLY there are major character deaths but if you're a Harry Potter fan you know who dies and when... and this is a story about the afterlife... so...

 Lily and James had had more than fourteen years to themselves.

_"Lily. No. No, no, Lily," he said when she appeared in the world he had barely known for a minute, disappointed to see her for the first time._

_"James," she said running to him. His arms tried to cover the pain in her heart, but in that moment it would never be enough._

_"Lily, I tried_ _—_ _" he cried._

_"I know, James. I did, too."_

_They stood, embracing each other, waiting for their infant son to follow them._

_But he never came._

They stood together, surrounded by whiteness. They were used to the plane that they existed in now. It was simultaneously nothing and everything, all at once.

"James."

"Mmm."

"James," Lily said again, gently tapping her husband's shoulder.

James took her hand as it fell from his shoulder. "Yes, Lily?"

"Do you see that?" Lily said, squinting into the distance.

Far ahead in their blank world the brightness was turning into night. The scenery was fading to grey. As the grey darkened they could see a shape. There stood a rectangular glass, leaning against a black wall.

The couple approached it slowly, Lily with her hands wrapped around James's arm.

The rectangle stood out against its background. As they got closer, they could see through it. Inside the rectangle there were stone walls that formed a room with a few dozen tables piled against the walls. They reached the glass, and they could see their reflection in front of the room beyond.

A young boy in a red knit sweater laid down a cloak by the door. He looked around the room and found the glass, just as Lily and James had.

Lily and James looked at each other slowly. What was this? Why were they here?

"Look at his hair, James," Lily said in wonder, gazing through at the boy. His hair was black and stuck up in the back.

"I know," he replied, pensive, unable to take his eyes off the boy. "Lily. His eyes."

James and Lily held each other as they watched the boy walk carefully to the mirror. They recognized themselves in him, but Lily didn’t dare to hope this boy was who she wanted him to be.

As soon as his green eyes came into focus on the glass they grew wider and he whirled around apparently looking around the room.

"Can he see us?" James asked as the boy turned carefully back toward the couple.

Lily looked at the boy, but it was different. Now, rather than looking at the boy through a window, the glass showed a reflection; the boy was _with_ them in the greyspace, standing in front of the couple. But he wasn't. He was only in the mirror, just like the stone walls and the desks.

"James," Lily whispered, confidence in her conclusion sweeping over her. There was only one reason why the magic would show the three of them together.

"I know," James said, still looking at the boy.

The boy looked more closely at the mirror, taking it in.

Lily and James did the same. Lily waved gently to the boy, a sad smile on her face, desperate for him to know.

The boy reached to feel the space behind him, still confused as to what was happening. He found no one in his search. He kept looking at Lily, staring at her eyes in wonder as he leaned in.

 _He looks so like James_ , Lily thought. _He's so beautiful._

As she watched the boy, tears began to fall. She would give anything to be there with him now, to hold him, to let him know how much she loved him. But she was so happy. She was happy he was safe, that her sacrifice had protected him, and that all she and James had fought for had kept him alive.

James looked over and saw Lily's tears. He put his arm around her, holding her close, wishing he could hold his son, too.

The boy turned to James, examining his features. James saw his hair and glasses, but behind those shone Lily's perfect green eyes, copied perfectly in their son. The boy leaned in, yearning to touch that which he could see for the first time in his life.

"Mum?" he whispered. "Dad?"

Lily nodded and smiled through her tears.

_Yes, Harry._

James smiled. He stared hungrily at Harry, desperate to memorize every inch of his face. He reached his hand forward, placing it right where his son's shoulder reflected. Harry reached up and rested his hand where his father's should have been, imagining the warmth of James's skin, wishing it was real.

Lily looked on with a painful happiness, a joy she had not felt in so long, a feeling she wanted to hold on to forever. It was a unlike anything she had ever felt before, a longing for something she could never have but loved with all her being. Even though these moments would end, she knew she would _always_ be with her son, and he with her.

The couple sat with their son for a time that seemed immeasurable, wanting to be with him until the end. When Harry finally stood up, he glanced at his mother, whispering "I'll come back."

Every time he did, they sat with him for hours, just watching, feeling, loving their moments together. Moments that had been ripped from them so cruelly.

Sometimes Lily would find herself at the mirror, even when Harry wasn't. She sat, waiting, longing to see the son she had always loved.

One night, Harry sank down in front of the mirror, and Lily and James were there as always; the three of them, together at last. But tonight it didn’t last. All too soon, Harry suddenly turned away from his mother's eyes, something else in the room capturing his attention. The moment Harry turned away, the room in the mirror faded to black, Harry's red sweater twisting into darkness as deep as the sky.

Lily stared in disbelief at the blank glass, so close to where her son had just been.

"No," she said simply. "Harry, come back."

James looked down, weeping silently as he pulled Lily into his arms. She cried into his chest and his tears fell on to her dark red hair, both of them aching for the son they had never known.

Time passed.

Suddenly, Lily felt her body turn into smoke as her arms pulled her through... away from the greyscape and towards something alarmingly unknown.

"James," she said, turning around. "Where—"

But he wasn't there. It was only darkness.

He had just been behind her. They had _just_ been talking about Harry... She tried to look for James, but something pulled her forward into a new world. Her head formed, her long hair draping over her shoulders. Soon her whole body was there with her.

She fell to the ground, great sounds and lights filling her senses. She saw her hands— grey, smoky, dense. She felt her new existence come to her, her adrenaline began pumping, her mind hyper aware. She took in her surroundings in a millisecond, without even looking up.

_Priori Incantatem._

It was the only way this could be real. With that realization came information. She suddenly knew why she was here, what she must do, and what she would see when she stood up. She would see the golden light surrounding them and the hooded people around them. She would see the other smokey people, people who were like her in their state of consciousness—people she might have once known.

But she couldn't care about them.

Lily stood, knowing that _he_ would be standing on the edge of the circle, expecting her, embracing her presence.

Harry stood across from where Lily had emerged—in front of what could only be Voldemort. His arms were shaking with the force of the magic flowing in gold strands between him and Voldemort. Harry looked at her as she subconsciously floated quickly towards him, his green eyes a tribute to Lily's selflessness, his face a memorial to James' bravery.

James.

"Your father's coming..." Harry nodded, every ounce of his strength focused on holding his wand. "Hold on for your father... it will be alright... hold on..."

Lily wanted to be sure James was right behind her, but her eyes wouldn't leave her son. Lily felt James' presence. He too drifted towards his wife and son, in the same hyper awareness that Lily had encountered. James was taller than Harry was, but Harry had grown since they had last seen him. His bravery showed through his fear, but James could still see how terrified he was. Harry's eyes—so green and bright and just like Lily's—were drenched in determination and fear.

James spoke desperately, his voice distant and quiet, even among the panic and rush that emitted from the Death Eaters.

"When the connection is broken, we will linger for only moments... but we will give you time... you must get to the Portkey, it will return you to Hogwarts... do you understand, Harry?"

"Yes," Harry gasped. His wand was vibrating so much that it slipped beneath Harry's fingers, but he fought the temptation to drop it.

Lily watched her son as another one of the ghostly figures approached Harry.

"Harry... take my body back, will you?" the victim said. "Take my body back to my parents..."

"I will," Harry responded, his face contorted with concentration and effort.

Lily wanted to say more. To tell him how much they loved him and how proud they were, but she knew she couldn't waste his time. Surely he must know somehow, someone must have told him about their sacrifice.

James looked to Lily. She nodded, consenting him to let Harry go.

"Do it now," James whispered to their son, "be ready to run... do it now..."

"NOW!" Harry yelled, just as the last of his strength vanished. Harry yanked his wand upward; the golden strings breaking and all their surroundings changing. The gold sphere of protection against the Death Eaters vanished, as well as a distant song. The Death Eaters swarmed and the smokey victims charged towards their killer.

Lily watched her son run as James grabbed her hand, pulling her towards Voldemort. She pulled her eyes away regretfully as she joined her husband in sprinting to the man that had killed them both. The other victims joined them, all quickly surrounding Voldemort as he screamed, fear evident in his red eyes. They circled him, distracting and blocking Voldemort’s view of Harry, all of them knowing the importance of Harry's escape.

Lily and James stayed connected even as their forms began to disappear. They could feel their presence in this world weakening, but they stood strong in front of Voldemort.

"Stun him!" Voldemort screamed, the Death Eaters on Harry's tail. "Stand aside!"

_Stand aside, you silly girl._

James stood with Lily, every last bit of his strength fighting to remain here, to defend and protect those that he loved.

"I will kill him!"

_Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead—_

Lily felt her body of smoke disappearing, like James's, but their souls stayed intact.

"He's mine!" Voldemort yelled.

The whispers of smoke that once were the forms of Voldemort’s victims followed Voldemort as he ran to Harry. James found he couldn't distract him anymore, but he still tried, watching his son as if in slow motion. Harry reached the body of the boy and James saw Voldemort closing in.

" _Accio!_ " Harry shouted.

Voldemort screamed as Harry's figure twisted into the air and away from the graveyard, safe for now.

The last threads of James and Lily's smoke bodies disappeared with a final sigh of relief.

Time passed.

Sometimes it felt like time was frozen, but other times it felt like a week was squished into one second. They knew somehow that Remus must have discovered the truth in what happened with the Fidelius Charm. They knew that Harry must have figured out who Remus and Sirius were to them. Even though they couldn't see it, they seemed to have a subconscious understanding that followed the goings on of the world they had once belonged to.

"Can you feel that?"

"Feel what, mate?"

" _Them_."

"Prongs, you're going to have to be more specific than that... oh no."

"What?"

"I feel it, too."

It had been two years since Sirius had found them.

On that day in May, Lily and James felt their hearts sink as one when they saw him walking toward them, a mischievous smile on his face and his eyes shining with an ever slight layer of tears.

 _"I was fighting," Sirius said, pretending he wasn't on the verge of tears, but still so happy to see his best friends._ _"Harry was there."_

But again, Harry hadn’t followed. For that they were grateful.

Lily walked slowly towards James. She lifted her hand out to him as she got closer, resting it on his shoulder as she reached him.

"Do you feel it?" she asked, looking into his eyes. His untidy black hair hadn't changed in sixteen years.

James turned to face her. As he did, her hand fell and landed perfectly in his—a gesture they had had ample time to perfect. He looked into her bright, green eyes. They were full of sadness and truth, but the little light of hope in them died when James nodded.

"I was afraid of that."

The air around them had become dense and gray. Sirius stood across from the couple, watching them curiously.

"Is this what it felt like before I died?"

The pair looked at him, still holding hands. "Yes," Lily said, smiling at her friend even though it felt forced.

"But this is more," James added. "Something is happening. Something has been brewing for a long time, and it's reached its boiling point."

"Do you think it's going to end soon, mate?"

"Yes," said a new voice, a short distance away.

The three of them turned towards the voice, tears spilling over the moment they saw their friend.

Remus Lupin walked towards them slowly, still recovering from the battle. As he approached his friends his heart broke for them over again, he had forgotten how young they all were. Seeing Lily and James, barely in their twenties, looking so much like Harry… it was almost more than he could stand.

James walked toward his brother, walking faster each step. He put his hands on his shoulders before hugging him, crying silently. Remus's hair had grayed considerably, and he had scars and bruises covering his skin. His clothes were ripped in many places and he looked extremely worn. Lily watched her husband and their friends, tears slowly falling down her cheeks.

"No,” Sirius whispered from James’s side. “You were supposed to survive this."

Remus turned to Sirius.

"It's alright, Padfoot,” Remus replied softly. “Harry's got it from here."

A sob escaped from Lily's chest. She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Remus pulled her tight, the memory of her warmth rekindling inside him. 

"How is he?" she asked against her friend.

Remus closed his eyes, remembering the young man he had just left behind. "He's got a lot of courage and good people by his side." Remus took a deep breath to fight the sadness that was overcoming him again. "Harry's so much like both of you."

Lily sobbed and stepped back to stand by her husband. She took James' hand as he watched his two best friends in sadness.

Remus turned to Sirius. 

"It hasn't been the same without you," Remus said. "I had the chance to fight alongside you again, and it was taken away so cruelly."

"But you were supposed to make it through. You were supposed to stay with the Order... make a change... grow old..."

"I did. It's okay. It's going to end tonight. I know it is."

The four of them exchanged glances, faces of sadness and happiness among them.

"Moony, you were so close..."

"I know, mate. I—"

But he couldn't continue, for in that moment a woman with spiky blonde hair appeared behind Lily.

"Dora. No! Dora!" Remus ran to his wife as Tonks began to sink to the ground. Remus held her tightly, fresh tears falling onto her hair.

Lily didn't know who she was, but she had appeared here with Remus and that was enough for her. Lily walked over to the couple, James following her, their hands still intertwined.

Upon seeing Lily, the woman lifted her head, tears still streaming down her cheeks.

"Lily Potter," the woman called Dora said, heartache filling her soul.

"Yes."

"I—,” the woman smiled at Lily and she took a shuddering breath through her tears. “Your son is my son's godfather. It’s an honor to meet you."

Tears, of happiness, pride, and joy for the first time in too long, fell from Lily's eyes as she smiled at her. Remus looked to James, who had tears in his eyes again. James looked back at his friend with eyes of wonder and love. _I missed you, mate_.

"You must have known him well," said Lily.

"I wish I knew him better," Dora said with a sad smile.

"Me too," Lily said, a slight laugh escaping her lips. James squeezed her hand and grinned at her smile.

“Congratulations!” Sirius said, pulling Remus and Tonks into his arms.

The five of them stood together, learning about each other's lives and sharing stories about Harry, Teddy, and the war below.

After what could have been an hour or could have been a week, Lily stopped.

"James."

"Yes, love?"

"Do you feel it?"

James paused too, absorbing the atmosphere. The density and grayness had returned, but it was different. It was as if they were leaving, rather than someone new coming.

Lupin stopped to watch them. "What's happening?"

"We have to go get him," Sirius said, but not of his own accord.

"What?"

"I... I don't know," he responded, confused. That subconscious knowing had never truly come to him. And yet, he still believed in what he had spoken.

"No, I know what you mean..." Lily said slowly. "We are going to get him." Fresh tears fell at the thought of bringing her son away from his world, but she wiped them away. She didn’t want Harry to see them.

They stood up, wondering what to do next.

Dora looked at the four. Their bodies were fading ever so slightly. Remus turned to her, his eyes almost pleading.

"Go," she whispered to her husband. "Go tell him it will be okay."

"I'll be back," he said to her. A promise.

Remus turned to Sirius who turned to James.

Lily and James looked at each other.

"James."

"I know."

"James, will we get to talk to him?" There was an innocent hope in her voice, a desperation to finally tell her son what she had been denied of for so long.

"Merlin, I hope so, Lily."

The four bodies faded into the scenery, fetching the boy they all loved.

James’s eyes were closed when they arrived. It was as if they had Apparated silently and painlessly, but they hadn't had a destination in mind—they had been brought to Harry by a stronger magic.

Lily reached over to James and squeezed his hand. The movement reached Harry's ears. James opened his eyes slowly, the familiar trees coming into view. Lily smiled at their son, all of her love pouring out of her heart.

Harry was still as he looked around. He looked to James, who smiled back at him with love. He had never before truly been able to see what his son had grown into. Harry's head was held high even though he knew his fate.

 _Look what he's become_ , James thought, pride overtaking him.

Harry had grown to be exactly James' height, Lily noticed.

Harry then turned to Sirius, who—as always—was smiling. Harry had matured quite a bit in the two years since... since the veil. His face was more defined and he looked so like James. His expression was the same, though. His eyes were set on what he needed to do, determined to save those he loved.

When Harry looked to Remus, he saw so much of James—how they both devoted their lives to helping others, how they both valued their friends and family above all.

Harry turned to his mother at last. Lily looked back at her son. She hadn't been able to see him in so long. She walked towards him, letting go of James' hand as she pushed her hair back.

"You've been so brave," she said, finally able to tell him all that she never could, to convey to him how happy she was—happy to be with him and happy that he had achieved so much, even though she and James had left him with such a horrible burden. She stood in front of him and reached her hand towards his, but they couldn't touch. But she knew that he, like her, would be able to stand here forever, together, finally a family. But that could never be.

"You are nearly there. Very close," James said, amazed at his son's bravery. "We are... so proud of you."

Lily smiled at her family, heartbroken that this would be their only time together.

"Does it hurt?" Harry asked. Lily felt a pain in her chest at his words, a small anger at what he had to go through—and all without his family.

"Dying? Not at all," Sirius said with a small smile. The smile did not mock the innocence of the question, but the simplicity of the answer. "Quicker and easier than falling asleep."

"And he will want it to be quick," Remus spoke. "He wants it over."

"I didn't want you to die," Harry said, his bravery shining through. Lily hated this even though somehow she knew he would be okay. He should have never needed to apologize for this. "Any of you. I'm sorry—" he said turning to Lupin. "Right after you'd had your son... Remus, I'm sorry—"

"I am sorry too," Remus sighed. "Sorry I will never know him... but he will know why I died and I hope he will understand. I was trying to make a world in which he could live a happier life."

James looked at his brother as they stood in the forest. He and Lily had done the same—they had died for their son, leaving him with only the hope that the world they had just departed would soon be better.

Harry knew this was the time. He had to walk now. Lily couldn't tell him to go, he had to on his own.

"You'll stay with me?"

"Until the very end," James said.

"They won't be able to see you?" Harry asked.

"We are a part of you," Sirius said. "Invisible to anyone else."

Lily watched as her son turned to her.

"Say close to me," he said quietly.

Lily looked into his eyes. Of course. She would always be with him.

 _Always_.

And he started walking. The five of them finally together for the first time in sixteen years. Even though they knew Harry was about to do, the four memories somehow knew that they wouldn’t be with Harry when they returned to their greyscape. They knew they were walking with him for the last time.

They passed through the dementors, but they couldn't touch Harry. As if they would dare attempt to puncture the happiness the reunion of parents and son had created.

James felt Harry's soul leaning on him, as if it was their presence that made him move, made him take each step closer to his death.

It was the first time in so long that Lily felt _alive_ —really there with her family. She forgot everything except her husband and her son, both walking for the other.

They slipped and stumbled forward, instinctively knowing where to go. When they finally came across others and stopped, Lily's thoughts began to quicken. The moment was coming, the last moment she would have with her son. She couldn't pay attention to what they were saying, she could only focus on Harry.

"...Potter's had his hour..." She heard one of the wizards say, the name catching her attention.

Harry began walking again and as he did, he looked to James and Lily, requesting their assurance that he could follow through, that he did have the strength to die for those he loved. Lily smiled at him, so proud of all he had done. James nodded and took Lily's hand, _of course you can do this._

The Death Eaters lead them to a clearing where Voldemort stood, waiting. They talked, but none of the Marauders nor Lily heard them. They all watched Harry, not letting him go just yet, amazed at his courage and so, _so_ proud.

At last the conversation broke through the bubble.

"I was, it seems... mistaken," Voldemort said. The four memories turned to face the man who was the reason they had died.

"You weren't."

They all looked back to their beloved son, godson, friend—the boy they all loved and to whom they must soon say farewell. James squeezed Lily's hand as they concentrated, memorizing his face, absorbing the moment, remembering his bravery and his sacrifice.

Harry turned ever so slightly towards the four of them, who were still smiling in encouragement and wonder, as if to thank them and to say that he would see them soon.

Harry dropped the stone, never forgetting those who brought him there.

The scene disappeared.

Lily and James held each other as they reappeared in the bright shadows. They stood together, tears of blessing and of sadness falling because somehow they knew he would survive—he would not see them soon.

  
Although they felt their son around them, they would not see Harry again until the far off day when he would shed the invisibility cloak and greet his parents as old friends. For that they were grateful. All was well.  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! I cry every time I edit this soooo I hope you got a little sad too! ;) 
> 
> Please kudos and comment :)


End file.
